


Stangst one-shots

by FordDespairIsMyTea (Stancest)



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Bill Cipher is a Jerk, Blood and Injury, Ford Pines Has Issues, Ford Pines Needs a Hug, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, One Shot, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Overdose, Protective Ford Pines, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, Suicide Notes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-18
Updated: 2021-02-20
Packaged: 2021-03-13 22:01:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,194
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29533074
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stancest/pseuds/FordDespairIsMyTea
Summary: This book will be full of angst. If you aren't ready to read your favorite grunkles going through a hard time. Then this isn't the book for you.
Relationships: Bill Cipher/Ford Pines, Ford Pines/Stan Pines
Comments: 4
Kudos: 11





	1. Poor Fordsie, all alone.

**Author's Note:**

> Any and all tags will be added as I go with the chapters. If I'm forgetting one, let me know. And if you have anything you'd like me to write that's Stangst related. But if I'm not comfortable with writing something, I will let you know. Or I'll let you know I'll write it! But it will be modified in certain areas

Stanford Pines, a slim 17 year old who was currently alone on the beach staring at the waves. Things haven't been going well lately and he has yet to figure out why. First off, his brother Stanley was ignoring him. No longer spending time with him at all by doing so and simply just spending all his time with his other friends. What caused this to happen? A few simple mistakes. Ford felt like he’s been making a lot of those as his mind took a turn for the worst. Staring ahead, he keeps himself distracted by how the waves move and the birds fly overhead; both being rather calming in this dark cloud. After he looks down to his watch to see the time his eyebrows furrowed as he gave a sigh. Late to get home again. It was already 9:30 pm and he wished he could just float away on the waves. The male walked home and he was relieved when neither of his parents said anything about his tardiness when he was carrying a few books. So he knew they assumed he was doing his best to study at the local library that closes at 10:30pm. 

Sitting at the dinner table couldn’t be any less awkward as he drowned out his family talking around him, opting to quietly eat. But he knew his brother and father were talking about boxing probably. Ford soon excuses himself after he finishes eating. Caryn looked at him some and sighed, “‘night hun” Ford hums in reply, going to his room and changing into a simple blue t-shirt with grey sweatpants before he climbed up to the top bunk. Ford stared at the ceiling quietly for a good hour as he lost himself in thought. Of course his mind wasn’t quiet, his mind was racing with every thought in the world that could hit him at this time while his brother was asleep already. Ford stares at his hands through the darkness. His only thought being.

‘I’d be better off...with Five’

Morning came and school came and went. More bullying, more annoyed teachers, neither him or his brother being called on by name and instead the teachers saying ‘pines twin 1’ or ‘pines twin 2’, Relentless teasing, his hair was pulled again, hit in the face with another basketball so his glasses were semi-cracked but all he had for now as he didn’t know where Stanley put his spare. So by the time he got home, all he wanted was sleep but he knew better than to sleep during the day when their father might end up needing help in the shop from both of them. He in general knew sleeping during the day would get his ass beat if Filbrick found out he was sleeping in and being “lazy”.

Year one, month 5 of being ignored. They graduated and he’s trying to figure out what he’s supposed to be doing now. He was currently just laying on the beach as their father was generous enough to give them a month to stay. He hears footsteps approaching him, sitting up and looking at the blonde male who was grinning at him with an odd grin. “So this is where ya been? Woo-ey! Never knew you were one to like the sand!” He let out an almost cheerful laugh as he squats next to Ford, extending a hand out to him. “Let’s cut to the chase and make a deal already! You know I can free you of this pain you feel!” He only got an empty look from the shorter who then looked away. “Bill, why do you want to make a deal so badly?” He mumbled softer than he normally would have if he had more energy, and he hadn’t been changing lately. 

Actually, taking a glimpse into Ford's mind. It wasn’t something Bill enjoyed to do from the fact that he knew exactly what he would find there. He would find a man who is slowly tearing himself apart at the seams while everyone on the outside seems to be deaf to his silent please for some sort of attention. Bill now wondered if that was why Ford was so desperate for him to stay with him. When Bill realized he had been silent for too long, he grins and laughs some. “Well that’s a lil complicated six-” “Don’t call me that''. Bill glares some from being interrupted. Muttering to himself mentally that the other was lucky he caught him in a good mood. “-Fordsie then!” He grumbled. “But any who! I’ll help ya out, make it so your dreams can come true!” He smirked when the other finally turned his full attention to him. “Really…?”

Bill grins some and laughs softly. “We’ll talk again soon~”

Ford watched the male vanish, looking out to the open waters. The open water that him and Stanley were supposed to be exploring together. For some reason he was stuck on memories lately, thinking about the past. Thinking about their childhood. Of course he knows Stan has always been called a failure up until they were 17, where he became the golden child after Ford's experiment went wrong due to his brother's clumsiness. But due to the issues they had before Stan just hadn’t cared about what he had done. So their parents never actually found out it broke, just that it failed and he decided to take it apart to make something harder that would surely impress them. Of course they ended up forgetting about as soon as Stan was offered a spot in a boxing competition. 

The waves were so peaceful. They didn’t match how Ford felt at all. And all he felt was vast emptiness, this was all just a blurry delusion wasn’t it? To think somebody cared about him. To think somebody would want to love him. Had the love he and Stanley shared as not just brothers. But lovers, been nothing but a delusion? Or was it real? He didn’t know the difference between reality and insanity anymore. 

While staring out into nothing, he failed to notice anything around him. Spacing out in public. Such a stupid thing to do when there’s nobody around to snap you out of it if danger was to approach. Or was the danger in your head, and your mind is just overthinking so you will be cautious of everything around you. Just so you don’t go overboard with how loud your very thoughts are.   
It took an hour to snap out of it, and when he did he realized it was dark out. So it was past 9pm. He sighs and stands up, heading home. Of course the walk home was uneventful as his hands were stuffed into his jean pockets, the male slouched very slightly from the exhaustion he felt coating through his body at the moment. But did it matter. No, he doubted so. 

Years later, he’s 26 now. He’s gone through college and all it had to offer and graduated. Now paying off his debt in Gravity Falls, Oregon while living with the same demon that’s ruled over his life for quite some time now. Stanford never told a single soul about it, but he was abused by the other to the point where Bill wouldn’t let him make eye contact with other people when they were out, or even speak. So this led to everyone thinking he was just very tired from how much research he was doing within his home at late hours of the night. 

Staying up till late hours after having sex with the other wasn’t uncommon either, as he’d try to regain feeling in most his body while Bill was out and about, treating himself to new things while Ford was metaphorically and sometimes literally chained to the bed. Unable to move and drained of all energy to the point where movement was too much of a chore and he just didn’t feel alive enough to do so, too little motivation to do such a thing. 

At around 7:40 am Ford's body felt like moving so he got up slowly, the bed quiet as he moved off of the bed. He shuffles over to the dresser after he got his slippers and glasses on; being blind wouldn’t be fun. After grabbing a red sweater and black sweatpants, as well as new underwear and socks. He went to the bathroom, closing and locking the door behind him so Bill wouldn’t come in. (even though Ford knew he may just ignore the lock and faze through the door anyways...or break the lock altogether.) Once he got the water on, he turned the knobs a bit and then put his clothes on the counter alongside his glasses, slipping out of his slippers.

Once the water was set, he slipped inside and stood under the water. His mind was blank for once as the water went over his body, cleaning out cuts that were more recent. Of course they were only open from the fact he peeled them open while he waited for the water to heat up. 

Ford has learned that picking open wounds wasn’t a good thing, but it’s become a habit that he couldn’t shake out of by this point. And one that he just stopped trying to shake out of by this point. It was the same with biting his nails. It’s become such an instinctive thing to do when he’s stressed or bored that he sometimes has to wear gloves to keep himself from making them too short to the point he ends up bleeding. A third habit he hasn’t tried to shake off was overthinking. While most would want it to be gone, it’s what’s kept him alive up to this point. Even if he can’t keep himself safe without Bill's intervention. He’s like a pet or prized trophy. 

By the time he opened his eyes, the water was cold, he was dizzy, and he just wanted to get out. So after finally getting washed up. The male stepped out and got dried off with a towel he had hanging up before he took care of his wounds properly after seeing they weren’t infected. 

Careful to get dressed, he did so before putting the towel in the bin for dirty clothes/towels. The towel only being dirty from a bit of blood having gotten on it. In which he knew Bill would yell at him for if he hadn’t put it in the bin. Once he was in the kitchen, he was making two eggs, two hash-browns, and then he’d peeled an orange before peeling the pieces apart. Which while he cooked he had a pot of coffee brewing. Half of the males focus was on his bandaged hands while the other half was on his cooking. 

Flipping the eggs, he broke the yolks on purpose as he seasoned them. He soon put them onto the plate at about the same time the hash-browns finished. So he also got those on the plate. While he was peeling the orange the coffee finished, so he quickly poured some into a hug and got that set up before he finished making his breakfast. 

While eating his breakfast, he was writing things down in journal 2. In which he managed to remember everything he had wanted to write down here about two days before. Which he hadn’t gotten to do because of Bill's abusive and demanding nature. In which during that day….

\------------------------------------ 

Ford was being kept on his knees by the chains keeping his arms above his head in which he no longer had any feeling in them. His bottom lip was swollen, split open actually. While his eyebrow was also split, a dark bruise mixed with swelling around his right eye as his body had wounds that were up to four inches deep, the wounds varying from being stab wounds to electrical burns. Of course he also had bruises and scratches as well as more simple cuts that didn’t exceed two inches deep and were mostly clotted by this point.

His legs were bent to an odd angle, broken. It caused them to just lay there limply. Of course while a normal person would be screaming and crying in agony. His body wasn’t registering pain under a certain degree anymore. And of course for some reason his body didn’t find the amount of pain he should be feeling to breach even the ‘ow that stings’ level yet. He slowly looks up to Bill, who had decided to make himself look like his twin brother Stanley. “Look at how pathetic you are Ford, no wonder I started hating ya. You’re just a sorry excuse of a brother aren’t ya? Poor Stanford! Having a freakish mutation and no friends! Oh poor him and his dramatic selfish ways!” He laughed some as he slashed the knife across the thigh, the sharp butcher knife cutting through the skin like paper as he had made sure the weapons he used were as sharp as they could get. “Poor poor Stanford! God, and to think you actually thought I gave a fuck about you! How sad for you, isn’t it? Boo-hoo. Go fucking cry me a damn river why’dont ya?” 

“Stanley” drags the knife through Ford’s skin, the blade slowly ripping open the flesh and lightly gracing anything under the flesh. But missing anything and everything of importance as to not cause too much damage. Even though he’d just be able to heal it all with a snap of his fingers before causing more physical trauma to his human body. He smirks at how much blood was leaving his wounds, this urging him to make deeper wounds than he already was.

“Remember when I broke your stupid experiment?” The male laughed a bit more then, as he had held it in while he was talking. He found this entire situation to just be too funny. “You should be thanking me for breaking the dumb thing. You woulda never made it in that big nerd school all by yourself! Did you seriously think that anybody would actually *like* you there? Of course not! They would beat you just like those kids back in elementary, middle, and high school! And what did I have to do every time? Protect your sorry ass! You cost me 17 years of my life! I could have had so many more friends if you just simply never existed! My life would have been perfect if you had been dead! Why are you so selfish Ford? Did you never think about how I felt? Having to constantly get in fights? Did you not hear what people were saying about me because of you?! You were ruining my life and we weren't even adults yet!” He continued with the verbal abuse, saying everything he knew would cut the male deep. Causing him to overthink was fun to the sadistic demon.

He did this for as long as he could before Ford passed out and he had to heal him, wait for him to wake up. Then do it all over again. Which he had done this cycle for about a day and a half. Even though the rest of what happened was honestly a blur to Ford.

\------------------------------------ 

He finishes his breakfast after a bit, cleaning his plate and silverware before drying and putting them away. Once that task was done, he was back at the table and doing more research in which he wanders around the house for bits of time to either grab this or that. A book here, a book there. Getting papers from his office or getting a jar from his lab. In other words? He had things everywhere he wanted them. Even in some places he didn’t. Although he mainly had dumb notes everywhere that held reminders like ‘don’t forget to brush your teeth at 9’, ‘don’t forget the books belong on the book shelves, papers in their respected binders and or drawers(and even in their respective pages to where they are needed)’, ‘don’t eat past 10:00pm, and don’t forget to make breakfast at 8:30am, lunch at 12:30pm, and dinner at 5:30pm’

He even had some notes for when to change bangles, shower, and go on walks. He also had to set up reminders to remind himself to go shopping or ask Bill to bring him to the bookstore to buy new books for whatever he needed them for at the time. Or maybe he was bored with re-reading his current ones a million times and finally just wanted something new.  
At around 2:30 am, he slowly walked over to the bottomless pit. In which after a month of research on how it worked as well as what times things would come up or what times they would never be seen again from going the alternative path. And after intensive research, he found that nothing came up after 12 am. When it was pitch black out and the stars were able to be seen in their full beauty. Of course before he did this, about two days ago he had managed to locate his brother and send him a postcard to say ‘goodbye’ and that he was sorry for everything he’s done, taking the blame for things that weren’t his fault. 

Staring into the bottomless pit, he wasn’t in any question for what he wanted. And he had to do it while Bill wasn’t there. In which he turned, standing on the edge with his back to the entrance of the pit. He slowly raised his gun to his head. Once he had stolen from Bill. 

Ford closed his eyes and counted to three before he let his body fall, a loud bang filling the silence. The only and isolated man was gone. Nobody batted an eye, and nobody ever looked to for him. Or so he thought, but who would all the pain and regret fall upon? Would it fall upon family? Acquaintances that could have become his friend? Or people in the town? Maybe even Bill? He didn’t know. But in truth.

The feelings would fall upon someone. Someone he never expected to feel any pain or grief over his death.


	2. One sip....two sips

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ford has a little too much to drink during another restless night, Stan finds out about things Ford didn't want him too. (Might make a part two, but it depends if it's requested)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Blood, self harm, self-loathing/self-hate, guilt, very heavy guilt, spoilers x100000000, much spoilers, if you haven't finished season two or even touched season two with a ten foot pole then don't touch, wounds being cleaned, alcohol/drunkenness/drinking)

Stanford stared at the ceiling from his bed, feeling the boat's movements and hearing the light rain hitting against the window. He looked through the darkness to his twin to see he was fast asleep. He let out a small sigh before turning his attention back to the ceiling. After about an hour of staring into nothingness. Overthinking. The male got up, being as quiet as he could with which each step as he crossed the room and went into the main area, sitting at his desk and starting to write with his fountain pen after dipping it into the ink.

He wrote in silence, though his mind was anything but that. Ford looked between the notes he was writing and the ones he already wrote as to compare them. Although he felt his exhaustion weighing on him some from not sleeping properly for about three days. And as he’s heard, if you don’t sleep for three days- you can be listed as clinically insane. 

He soon found himself hesitating when he wrote, which brought him to stop writing and put the pen in it’s holder. Of course he knew that too much noise would wake his brother so he was as careful as he could be walking around the kitchen while the boards creaked under his footsteps. He got the cabinets and managed to pick lock the only locked one. 

Of course he knew why it was locked and mentally he heard his brother warning him against drinking whiskey. Of course what his brother didn’t know (for now…) didn’t kill’em. So he got out a bottle of rum, sat and the table and did what any sensible person would. He opened it and drank to his heart's content, deciding to have no restraint. Which each sip made him think of his each and every mistake….

One sip…. The day Stanley got kicked out, he never stood up for him and allowed his selfish mind to be angry over something so stupid. He should have stood up for Stanley or just lied about what happened altogether. Yes he would have been punished for it failing! But not to the extent of being kicked out. (maybe)

Two sips…… He summoned Bill, and did as he told him without ever questioning it, not caring who this may affect or what dangers it would bring as he believed he was a spirit. Not a demon. But he fell for every trick. In the end he made a portal to his world…

Three sips….. Ford ruined F’s life when he looked through that portal. He should have listened to his warnings and been more concerned for his well being after he pulled him out of the portal. He SHOULD have just dismantled it! But no. He was too busy wanting fame and fortune to listen to anybody but himself. He should have never made it or summoned Bill….

Four sips……… After ten years of shunning Stan out of his life, being childishly petty over ONE accident that wasn’t even Stanley's fault in the first place. After all he had promised to sail the world with him...but then selfishly left him. Finally, he sent him a postcard, begging him to come help him. Big messy words ‘PLEASE COME!’ And when he got there, he got a crossbow aimed at him at point blank before he even uttered a word, then lights shined in his eyes after being yanked inside by his jacket. 

Five sips…. He ended up pushing Stanley back into the console and burning the back of his right shoulder with the mark there.

Six sips…… When he came back after thirty years. Thirty years of his brother's hard work to bring him back. What was the first thing he did? Punch him. He punched his savior in the face and never even gave him a proper hug or thank you. And during their first actual conversation he was telling him how he was being kicked out once the summer ended. He was gonna make his own brother homeless.

Seven sips….. He nearly separated his great-niece and nephew when he offered to make Dipper his apprentice. Then he ended up putting them in severe danger when Mabel was put in that bubble. It nearly got them killed. He almost got everybody killed, causing people to have trauma as well as constant nightmares. He ruined everyone's lives. 

Eight sips…..First he had corrected his brother's grammar, getting into a fight with him and ruining the circle before they both got trapped in a cage while the twins got chased by the demon. He and Stanley then switched clothes, tricking Bill and it ended in him erasing his brother's mind and nearly killing him. Seeing the heartbroken looks on the kids faces broke his heart. But not as much as his brother's amnesia did. 

Nine sips…. He was useless when it came to recovering his brother's memories besides when he made a schedule for him to follow throughout the day after the twins told him his average schedule. They made sure to put in small naps so he wouldn’t push himself to do more than he needed to. 

By the time he went through each and every mistake, he was drunker than he’d ever been before. Hell he’s never truly been one to drink much alcohol in the first place besides an occasional glass with his brother; well, it had been like that until the last five months where he had been drinking more than he used to. Which caused his brother to lock the cabinet after installing it.   
The next thing he knew, he was grabbing the sharpest knife he had and sitting in the bathroom gliding the blade through his wrists and watching the bleep seep out of the wounds. He cut through the scars and burns and regretful tattoos. He cut deep but not deep enough to cause severe injury beyond breaking the skin open to allow blood flow that wouldn’t start clotting quickly...although a muffled voice was speaking out to him...was it just in his mind.

By the time he was even slightly aware he found he was being pinned to the wall by his brother, and he realized the voice….had been Stanley calling out to him to open the door before he just broke the lock. 

\------------------------------------

Stanley had just woken up when he looked across to see if his brother was awake, only to feel his heart quench when he saw no Ford in bed. Or his glasses for that matter. He stared at the ceiling for a bit, he heard movement in the kitchen, but nothing else for a while before he heard what he assumed was Ford sitting at the table. ‘Maybe...maybe he got a book? But why wouldn’t he just read in here? He’s got that thingamajig to help ‘em read in ‘da dark don’ he?’ He thought to himself, feeling anxious some as he wondered what the hell his brother was doing. After a while he could have sworn he heard the male stumble over his chair and grab a knife, which prompted him to sit up. He heard the bedsprings as he did so, slipping his feet into his slippers and putting his glasses on before he got up with huff.

Stanley walked to the doorway, stopping before he fully entered the kitchen to realize there were three empty whiskey bottles and the cabinet was wide open. He cursed himself for thinking Ford didn’t know how to pick a damn lock. ‘Should’a put a damn passcode lock on it. Or just got ridda the damn rum.’ He grumbled to himself mentally, though he still had a sinking feeling so he went over to the bathroom door and knocked a bit loud. “Pointdexter? You okay in there?” He also spoke a tad loud on purpose, trying to get his attention and keep it. But from his lack of reply, he quickly knew it failed. So he turned his hearing aid up more.

Only seconds after turning it up did all the color drain from his face, his eyes going as wide as saucers when he heard dripping before he realized the sound was too heavy to be water as he woulda heard the tap running some. So he assumed the worst, pounding his fist against the door a few times as alarm bells went off in his head. “STANFORD! OPEN THE DOOR!” He demanded with a slightly panicked tone that he didn’t bother trying to hide by this point. 

Stan knew his brother had been acting odd after the kids left, and even beforehand… But he always thought it was just him getting used to everything. Or he just needed a bit of space. So he never looked too much into it. But now that his brother was on the other side of a locked door, possibly wounding himself after getting hammered? He was terrified, and unable to fully process why he didn’t see it was a bad sign that his brother was going through things. Then again people say drunk people are the most honest people. So he’s honestly half hoping he’ll be able to have a conversation with his dear intoxicated brother after stopping him from whatever the hell he was doing.

And Stan was honestly real glad he didn’t have ona his nerd guns on hand. Being he had seen him put them away before they got into bed. He was also glad that his brother wasn’t on guard from his instincts being blurred out due to the heavy intoxication. That would make things as easy as they could be to take care of him.

After a while he just began trying to find something to break the lock, which he had to get one of the hatchets they kept to break it before he quickly pushed the door open, his eyes widening when he saw what his brother was doing.

Stan didn’t waste any time in dropping the axe with a loud ‘’clang’ before he had his brother pinned to the wall as that was the only thing he could think to do. Which is when Stanford focus returned, calling out his name to get his attention, which is successful when Ford seems to gain a bit of awareness.

Stan sighs in relief that his brother was still aware...but he looked to his arms and all he could see was red. He jerks his brother's hand some just for the knife to slip from his grip and hit the floor. Though Ford then began to cry quietly with a smile that broke Stan's heart more effectively than any sledgehammer could. 

“Aye...lee. What’re ya doin ‘n here?” Ford slurred words came out slowly. And Stan gave a bewildered look. “What the hell do you mean “why are you doing here”? Ford you were missing from the bed and I heard you grab a knife! And I saw you had been drinking! I’m ‘ere to stop you from doing.. doing this!” He was even more bewildered by his brothers drunk surprise.

“Bu why?” He let out a drunk laugh. “Lee…’m just a monster…’ike bi-” 

“DON’T YOU DARE COMPARE YOURSELF TO BILL!”

Stan's outburst stunned the drunk male into silence and Stan had to take a deep breath and finally turn his hearing aid down, quietly pulling Ford to the main room and forcing him to sit in a chair before he got their med-kit from the bathroom cabinet as well as four hand towels, a shower towel, and a bucket of lukewarm water. 

He put the towel over the table to prevent bloodstains (doing this to prevent the other from blaming himself for yet another thing) before having him remove his sweater, which wasn’t hard from how well he got the male to listen to him. Of course he put the sweater on the back of the chair to be washed later before he went to his brother, and taking him over to the sink after getting a bottle of hydrogen peroxide and he poured it over his arms and watches it froth up before grabbing one of the two hand towels he had brought over, having already soaked them both with the water. 

Stan proceeds to clean both the fresh and hardening blood off his left arm first, being careful with the wounds. Once they were cleaned, which he did this to each arm twice. He put sterile wrap over the wounds before wrapping them once they were taped in place. He’d change them later when they would need it, washing his hands now. So once that was done, he cleans everything up before he takes Ford to their room and gets him in different clothes. He got him into bed and stayed there until he fell asleep, soon doing so himself. Although at 11am he was woken by a groan of pain from his brother.

Stan got up and went over to the chest at the end of the bed, getting a bottle of Tylenol before going to his brother and helping him take some. “Sixer, we gotta talk now…"

Ford whined some. “About what?” He clearly didn’t remember anything that happened when he was drunk. Or he was playing dumb, then the third option was just that his memory was just a lil fuzzy from waking up (the hangover he was going through may have sumthin to do with it). “And why do…” He trailed off after he saw his arms were wrapped in white. He quickly sat up and put his glasses on, going pale then as he knew what Stan wanted to talk about. 

Stan got a gentle hold of Ford's hands. “Why….”

“W.. why what?” Ford suddenly felt nervous when looking at his brother.

“Why didn’t you tell me about any of this? I coulda been helping you Ford. You don’t need to hide things from me...so please. I beg of you to just talk to me” He gives his brother a pleading look. “I need you to talk to me when you feel this way, or just come to me and I’ll be here for you” 

Ford was quiet, and his silence worried Stan before he saw tears go down Ford’s cheeks. “W-what if you can’t help me?” The way Ford whimpers out his words breaks Stan's heart but he holds himself together as he frowns after taking a deep breath. Stan gently wiped away his brother's tears with his thumbs. “I can’t say until that happens. Until it does get to the point where...I might just not be enough to help you through these low points. But you won’t be going through them alone. Although if you’re really worried about it, then later on when you’re in a better head space, we’ll work things out. But for now...we’re gonna go to the closest shore, which is four days away the last time I checked last night. And once we get there, we’ll explore. But, we might also take you to see a doctor about this. Although I won’t force you to do anything you don’t want to do.” 

Ford listens to what his brother says, letting him clean away his tears. “D..do you really think...a doctor would help me?” He got a sigh in reply.

“I can’t be too sure honestly, being you aren’t exactly the “let me open up to you and tell you my life story” type of guy. I am. But uhh, it’s worth a shot bro...though if you do want this, just let me know. You’ve got time to do plenty of research on it, and I can help you do it. And while you don’t have to open up on everything. I want you to open up on your emotions. Which from this, if you end up needing therapy then we’ll figure things out. It’ll be the same for if they ever prescribe you with medicine if needed. But they may see other things as needed. And being out at sea may end up not being what you need bro.”

Ford whimpers some, staring down with a sigh. “I do want to sail the world, I want to go on adventures. I am just so unsure of what I need though, and it’s frustrating to not understand! I just. I just don’t want to slow you down and be a burden to you, Stanley”

Stan sighs heavily. “Stanford Pines, if you ever call yourself a burden to me again, I swear to god. You will NEVER be a burden to me. We’re brothers. That means we’re supposed to be here for each other through thick and thin, regardless of what happens. It means we won’t leave each other behind or believe each other's issues are burdens or irrelevant.” He sighs some with a huff. “Look’et this...now I gotta be the smart one for a change” He chuckled some, seeing Ford smile some. “Though I could never be smarter than you, ya nerd”

Of course the two of them knew they’d have to have a more in-depth conversation about this, but for now they were pleased with how they were leaving it, as one of them had a hangover and the other just wanted the hungover one to be comfortable, open up in his own time rather than in anyone else's time.

“Hey Stanley?”

“What’s up sixer?”

“You know I love you right…?”

Stan smiles softly, wrapping his arms around his brother, pulling him into a tight hug, feeling Ford do the same, feeling the other bury his face into his neck. “Course I know that Pointdexter, ‘an I love you too. I love you much...just know. You don’t have to hide your pain from me. And if you do. I’ll find out… but before you can drown, I’ll save you. I promise. Now, how ya feelin?...besides feeling shitty from the hangover”

Ford moved some so he could look into the others eyes and smiles a real soft smile. “Really good actually. Thank you for being with me…”

“No need to thank me Ford, I’ll always be right here by your side. You’ll always be with me too though right?”

“Forever and always”

The twins mainly spent about an hour in bed before they went about their daily duties, though Stan kept Ford from doing anything that would involve carrying heavy objects. And he did change the bandages before they went on with their duties (yes, he even cleaned them again- but better as well as had Ford take a shower- though he kept the door open halfway for softy reasons. But things would be okay now, or so they hoped. But even if they weren’t always okay? They made a promise to always get through those moments together, never alone.


	3. The other side, nightmares and comfort. Then death.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stan is stuck between deceiving himself and accepting the truth of what happened, but when nightmares get involved. He's lost in a losing battle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My glorious, angsty twin brother requested this lovely piece of angst. (: He wanted Dipper. But I couldn't make him a major role. BUT HE'S THERE! <3

Ford was thinking hard about everything, from the second Weirdmageddon started, to the second he figured out how he could end it. The thought hit him after Stanley and him were going to switch clothes. ‘Why am I letting Stanley suffer the consequences of my own actions?’ Was his second thought, and he backed away and saw Stanley's surprised look. He shook his head, soon seeing Bill come back with the kids. 

He wanted to protect them, protect Stanley. There was a way to let Bill into his mind. And it would kill him either way. “Bill! I’ll make a deal with you!” This quickly drew the demon's attention, the dream demon freeing Ford from the cage and tossing the two children in before closing it behind Ford.

Stan's eyes were wide and he felt like this was a punch to the gut, losing his brother a second time? No, he can’t lose him again! The kids scrambled up and to the cage. Mabel was starting to cry and Dipper was breathing a bit quicker than normal. “G-Grunkle F-ford!” Mabel sobbed out. “G-Grunkle f-for n-no!” Dipper was the next one crying. 

Ford stares at Bill some. “I’ll let you in my mind, if you don’t hurt my family….” He extended his hand, which Bill grabbed quickly. “Deal Fo-”

“STANFORD!”

Both Ford and Bill quickly looked to Stan, who was trembling light with teary eyes. “St-Stanford don’t do this! We could work something out! W-we can make a plan! F-FORD I-I CAN’T LOSE YOU AGAIN!”

Stanford felt his heart break when he saw his brothers look, drawing his hand back and going over, holding his brothers hands through the bars. “It’s okay Lee” He smiles softly. “It’s okay...I..I know I haven’t been a good brother. Actually? I’ve been a horrible one, I’ve fucked up a lot. I was being stupid. But, even after all this time…?” He pulls a picture from his jacket, handing it to him. “I kept it”

Stan's eyes widened when he saw it was a picture of them on the ‘Stan ‘o war’ when they were kids. This prompted more tears to go down his cheeks as he gripped his brother's hand tighter. “p-please….Ford d-don’t leave me again...n-not y-you...! I- I can’t lose you….lose you too!” 

“Grunkle F-ford please d-don’t leave u-us!” Mabel sobbed out, gripping onto his coat as Dipper did too. “G-Grunkle F-Ford p-please! W-we n-need y-you!” Dipper cried out. This all broke Ford's heart but he managed to get out of his grip, putting the picture in Stan's hand and returning to Bill.

He cast a glance over his shoulder and turned to them with a sad smile and tears lightly going down his cheeks. “I love you three, so much. Stanley? Thank you, for bringing me home. I’m sorry I’ve been such a horrible brother. I promise it doesn’t mean I hated you...or I stopped loving you. Because I’ll always love you. No matter what, going through thick and thin with you… But I can’t let you suffer the consequences for my actions, for what I have started. What I’ve done. Let me save you this time...Let me do something right.” He turned back, drowning out his families yells and cries. “Alright Cipher. I’m ready”

Bill grinned and grabbed his hand then, his own enveloped by bright blue flames. The deal was sealed. Of course it took a second, but Bill found his way into his mind, Ford having half control from being used to fighting against Bill's control. But he managed to turn around. “D-don’t…..l-look….” He didn’t have the memory gun on him, he had left it in the cage.

With a trembling hand he got one of his guns from their holster, his legs being firmly dug into the ground and he kept Bill from both leaving as well as taking full control of his body as he knows he has to finish this. Finish it all. “M-my t...times...run out….” He smiles weakly at his family. “G-...goodbye…” 

Stan quickly pulled the twins to his chest, not wanting them to see anything as he kept them close. “ST-STANFORD D-DON’T Y-YOU DARE! P-PLEASE!” Ford only smiled and raised the gun to his head, his right eye bleeding some already. He placed the gun to his temple, taking a deep breath. “O-one…”

“S-sixer!”

“T-two….”

“FORD!”

“Th-three….”

“STANFORD!”

He shot, causing a loud echo to go through the hole building.

A week has gone by since then, and the family had spent all this time quietly rebuilding while mourning. Of course it was the worst for Stan who wasn’t even in the mood to do anything fun or silly. He wanted his brother back. Nothing else. He looked over and saw the kids sitting on the couch looking through their photo album. 

“I miss Grunkle Ford…” Mabel whimpered with a sniffle.

“I do too….”

“W-we didn’t get enough time with him…” 

Stan frowned worse, looking away and going into the kitchen, sitting at the table. He looked across and he looked down. “G-god Pointdexter…..I-it wasn’t enough time.” He buried his face into his hands as he felt unbelievable pain. “When did things get so difficult between us. Why did this ‘ave to happen…? Why couldn’t you just let me….let me take the blame….” He stares down. “Let me protect you….”

Dipper soon came in, causing Stan to look up. “G... Grunkle Stan…?” Stan gave a hum of acknowledgment, causing Dipper to come over and hug him. “W-we want Grunkle F-ford back….” He whimpered. “W-why d-did h-he h-have t-to go…? W-why d-did he leave us?” 

Stan felt his heart break from this, lifting Dipper up onto his lap, soon Mabel as well as she came into the room a few seconds later. “Kids, listen to me. I know you want ‘em back...lord knows I do too. But, he wanted to take the consequences of his own actions...he did it to protect us. And while no...i-it really isn’t fair at all that he was taken away from us…..it was the only way for him to keep us safe….the only way he could see as possible.”

Mabel frowns heavily, staring down. “W-will you be okay after we leave…?” The question made Stan hesitate, but think for a bit. “I… I don’t know kiddo. I don’t know. But...I know it’ll take time for me to be okay again….take time for me to really accept that he’s gone as a fact”

He actually hasn’t slept since his brother's death, besides occasional passing out. Although later that night when he finally laid down for a good night's rest, he soon opened his eyes and found himself surrounded in darkness. Although something was off. He heard someone calling his name...and a bright light of sorts. 

He moved towards it after a bit of hesitance, hoping this didn’t mean he died. When he started opening his eyes, he found Ford over him, looking concerned. “Oh thank god...y-you finally woke up…” He breathed a sigh of relief before he pulled Stan into a tight hug.

“F... Ford? What…”

“You were yelling in your sleep...you had another nightmare” 

Stan felt a giant weight be lifted from his shoulder to know it had just been a nightmare. “W-we...we’re on the boat... right?” He was given a small nod from the other, who he assumed had his face buried into his shoulder from the bits of nuzzling.

Stan was quiet now, just keeping Ford as close as physically possible. He was just relieved to find his brother was safe and sound. Not dead. Things had gone differently, bills gone, and nothing is going wrong.

After a while Ford pulled away, even when his brother whined in protest. “How about we go to the closest port? It’s about an hour away, so we’ll be able to stay there for a bit, even if we don’t do anything much. We can have a fun day”

Stan thought about it some and soon chuckled a bit. “Sounds good Sixer. And it sounds fun!” He laughed some, a bright grin on his face now. Although he knew his brother would want to know more about the nightmare. This was the first one he’s ever had like this, then again it was good to know his plan was the right way. And that Ford cooperated.

Stan sighs after Ford left the room to make breakfast, slowly getting up and once he was ready he went into the kitchen, sitting at the table and hooking their laptop up. It was a Saturday so they would be expecting a call from their niblets soon. So once that familiar icon popped up he clicked ‘accept call’.

“Hey kiddos!” Stan greeted with a smile as both kids smiled brightly and chirped out at around the same time. “Hi Grunkles!” Dipper then huffs. “Where’s Grunkle Ford?” He heard Ford laugh from off camera. 

Stan grins some. “Makin breakfast kiddos. Grunkle Fords a better cook than me” He chuckled as his brother smirked at him briefly before continuing to cook.

Mabel laughs softly. “Noo way! We love your food Grunkle Stan! You’re a great cook!” Dipper appeared with a bright grin. Though his great-niece then gasped loudly and dramatically. “Oh my god what if you both had a cook off?!”

Stan snorted. “Oh trust me pumpkin! As much as I would love that, Ford would beat me by a mile!” He was taken by surprise when Ford was abruptly right behind him. “Christ ford!” He laughed some, then Ford leaned his head on his shoulder. “Stan would win 100%” He hums which caused the younger twins to grin. “Oh cmon Ford! You know you’d win” 

Ford gave a shrug. “I don’t think I would, not as used to cooking under pressure. So I’d probably give in pretty quickly. I've only recently started to actually cook in a proper kitchen, unlike you who has been doing it for years~” He teased and Stan gasped some. “Ford I swear to fuck if you just made a fat joke….” He shrugged some. 

Of course after hours of being on call with the niblets, having ate and been at the port for awhile. Things felt a bit off. From how unreal things felt, to how things seemed a bit blurry for some unknown reason. Although later on he was alone with Ford, them being on the beach when he looked to Ford, who was grinning oddly wide. 

This abruptly was making Stan feel quite uneasy. “Sixer, what...what ya smilin bout?” He chuckled nervously. Ford only laughs some in reply, turning to him in an unfairly fluid motion. Though Stan's smile dropped as quickly as his heart did when he saw his brother had bright yellow eyes with black slits. “no...no...NO….NO! NOT YOU! WH..WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?! GET OUT OF MY BROTHER!” Stan began violently shaking his brother's shoulders as if that would get Bill out of Ford's body. “GET.OUT!” 

Bill only laughed at his stupidity. “Oh Stanley! Get out? How could I get out?! Don’t you remember what happened? Don’t you remember the accident?”

Stan felt like he couldn’t breathe. “W-what accident?!”

Bill grinned, giving Stan a knowing look that made Stan's heart drop all over again in a wave of realization. “O-oh god…. I-it wasn’t a d-dream….” He backs away from Ford. “m-my brother….i-is d-dead…..” He grabs at his head, gripping the sides tightly as his fingers were tangled into his hair as Bill's laughter fills his mind. “Ya just realized that Stan?! He’s been dead for three years!” 

Stan's eyes were wide with horror as he slowly looked up from hearing that. “W-what” No.... that couldn’t be true! He couldn’t be dead for three years...it couldn’t have been- Everything went black and he woke with a scream, sitting up in bed and looking at the time and date on his phone screen quickly. He went pale as it read out ‘November 5th, 2:40am…..2015…..’.

Stanley slowly stood from his bed, not bothering to put his slippers on as he went over to his bathroom, grabbing a bottle of pills. Just know they were a high dosage pain medicine. Ibuprofen maybe? Or Tylenol. He got a cup of water and he sat back against the tub. He opened the bottle with shaky hands before pouring the pills into his hand and swallowed all he could as quickly as possible, taking large sips of water afterwards, having soon taken about half the bottle. Of course Stan was a little scared of dying. But he was so tired of living every day, being delusional enough to think his brother was still by his side, thinking everything was all fine and dandy. Not a thing wrong! But everything was wrong. And forcing himself to live with this wasn’t worth the misery he felt every waking moment of his life anymore.

He laid there crying until he managed to fall asleep, laying that as his dreams were off all his happiest memories with his dear twin, and some bad memories. But those weren’t avoidable. He especially thought to the day he arrived at his brother's house. Oh how alarming his brothers state of mind and physical appearance were. He was so thin, skin and bones as he looked ready to curl up and die as exhaustion filled his gaze as well as every movement he made that day. Stan wanted nothing less than to be by his side once more, no matter what was to happen here. He only cared about being with his brother.

Stan soon opened his eyes, looking around as he found himself in a meadow of sorts. Going down an oddly clean path, he found himself standing in front of a cabin. But before he could go closer he heard a shaky voice. “St-Stanley…?” He quickly turned to see his brother standing 9 feet from him with wide eyes. “St-Stanford….” He grins as tears fill his eyes, “STANFORD!” He rushed him, quickly hugging him tightly as Ford returned the hug just as tightly. Both of them sobbed. Overjoyed to be together again. Stan sobs out shakily. “I-I missed you so much p-Pointdexter. So.fucking.much.” He buries his face into the side of his neck and he knew this was real, “n-never leave me again. Ever” Ford gave a nod. “N-never ever….”   
After they went inside, Ford got them situated on the couch as they both had a pitt-cola. “After the events of Weirdmageddon the entire town just cleaned everything up, opting to never talk about what happened” Stan hummed to Ford. “The kids were doin good, Mabel's in boxing like I had been” That made Ford laugh some. “She’s so much like you it’s sorta scary.” That comment made Stan grin but his smile falls when Ford asks the big question. 

“Stanley, how did you die?”

Stan looks away and sighs heavily. “Overdose I think….I forgot what on...but, yeah.” He looked back to see Ford's surprised look. “Stanley was it because of...I...oh Stanley….” He quickly set his drink down and hugged his brother tightly. “I know this isn’t the best thing to say after finding that out. But at least we’re together again, right?” That brought a bit of Stan's smile back and he nodded a bit “Yeah. Together forever and never lettin go” He copied what Ford did, leaning into his brother's hold now as he never wanted to be without him.

After this, they spent their days exploring their new world, although Ford has grown curious on where they were and if they were able to come back to life or as Stanley liked to say “raise from the grave” which always makes Ford roll his eyes and chuckle a bit. “So, you’re thinking it’s possible for us to be ya know...alive again? Raise from the grave?” Stan asked with a grin. “Somewhat like that. But I'm unsure. I’m unsure about this world. I’m unsure about what it’s hiding as well as what it holds”

Stan listens to his brother rambling on, smiling softly as he reaches over and gently puts a hand over his brother's hand, quietly listening as Ford paused a bit, but continued after he began holding Stan's hand tightly. “Wait...does that mean Bills here?” Ford quickly looked to Stan when he was asked that. “No, no it doesn’t. Thankfully he isn’t here. He’s permanently gone. I’ve made sure of it, so don’t worry about it. Even I found unicorn hair, which is what’s buried in multiple locations around the woods, and on the boat. I managed to get it built into the ship without causing any risks to the ship's overall build” He hummed, rambling a bit but he knew Stan didn’t mind it when he rambled. 

“Of course you did Pointdexter” He chuckled some. “Not even gonna pretend to be surprised by that” He paused some. “Do you think the kids are doin alright? I’ve been thinking about them more than I used to. And I'm startin to get worried. First they lose one of us, then they lose us both. I mean… it may have been a three year difference but still. It’s bound to be hard on them, especially since I think I was supposed to call them the next day at around 5 pm, then I just sorta never did from what happened. Musta alarmed them.” 

They both tensed up. “Ford what if I’m not dead….and I’m in the hospital?” Ford frowns. “If that’s true then I’ll be figuring this all out from here...maybe even find a way to reach you through your dreams so we would still have some sort of contact” They both sighed and decided to drop the topic. This wasn’t over. But they’d figure it out over time. Everything would be okay...right?


End file.
